Interesting Conversations 30

Friends

Katie: A bunch of jasmine scented oil leaked into the door of my car. My car is named Jafar. Jafar smells like Jasmine. The hilarity is not lost on me.

Peter: I'm almost done with this paper for Systems Perspectives; I've written all my points and just need to edit and proofread. However, it is 8 pages of text. Single spaced. It is supposed to be 5 to 12 pages of text. Double spaced…. GRAAAAD SCHOOOOOL~
Where getting a paper to be UNDER 5,000 words is the hard part.

Katie: Roleplaying games are a great way to unwind after a long week. I was a stuck-up snake princess who died in a collision between an airship and a smoke giant. It’s been so long since I’ve had a Saturday off and it was so nice just to see some friends and shoot things with arrows.

Katie: So Thor 2 was uh... well it was. It just was. It had some lovely special effects at least. And Thor definitely hits things with a hammer. So there's that.
Peter: With that summary, all I can picture is two hours of Thor playing Whack-a-Mole.
Craig: Please god say it's better than Iron Man 3.
Katie: (to Peter) IF ONLY THERE COULD BE A MOVIE LIKE THAT! (to Craig) And don't worry, it's miles better than Iron Man 3. It still suffers from the usual Disney slapstick humor/one liners, but it still has some level of self-respect.

Josh: "What people don't know, can't hurt them," should probably be amended to, "What people don't know is a surprisingly massive amount, ALARMINGLY NEARBY."

Xiomara: I'm babysitting and I had to explain to my 6-year old cousin what a VCR and a VHS is. Good news is he's totally loving it!!!

Josh: When you're a child, everyone tells you that you can be whatever you want when you grow up. I didn't have the heart to tell them I wanted to be the first person to fly unassisted... backwards... through time.

Susan: BUTT MONKEYS! I am done with writing about Cubism! WAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Me: Butt monkeys? Susan has the weirdest curse words.
Abby: Susan’s just weird all around.
Me: Coming from us, that’s saying a lot.


Family

Mom: How much does it cost to park downtown?
Me: I don’t know. When ever I go downtown I take the bus or bum rides off friends like a sensible person.

Mom: I thought you were gonna get me the movie “The Winter’s Tale”?
Me: I did.
Mom: But I don’t have it.
Me: It’s by the computer.
Mom: Well what’s it doing over there?
Me: I handed it to you and you set it down over there.
Mom: Well… How was I supposed to know that?
(Pause)
(What she just said hits us and we both burst out laughing.)

Dad: Oh Hey! One of the tail-lights on your car isn’t working.
Me: It is?
My sister: Oh yeah, it’s been like that for months.
Me: If you knew why didn’t you say anything?
My sister: I did. I told Maddie.
Me: …You told your best friend? It’s my car, why not tell me?!
My sister: …


Work

Aunt Mary: (About teaching) I keep telling people, but do they listen? No. Sorry, but there are no loopholes that allow me to get your kid on a team 2 weeks before qualifier season starts. And no, it doesn't matter many important people you know. Sheesh.

Me: (on the radio to my boss) Hey, what do we do if there is a pigeon walking around the lobby?
Boss:... Is this a hypothetical question?
Me: Nope.

Josh: To anyone who has seen H. Carter Jewelers billboards, print or web ads around town: I apologize. I didn't mean to make them that crappy. I tried to make better designs but was invariably told to make them uglier.

Susan: (at Walmart) We need to make an automated voice message saying "We have no more PS4 systems. QUIT CALLING."

Katie: (at Petsmart) Dear person who stuck their chewing gum on the back of the ferret bed in my store.... see you later in hell.


Holidays

Susan: Working Thanksgiving for Black Friday. I hate people, especially the ones camping out now. We just celebrated a day of being thankful for what you have. Now you go out and buy shit you don't need. I'm gonna go head-butt a puppy.
Jonathon: Agreed but.... don't head-butt the puppy!!

Mom: Elieen has been on the wagon for several months but last night in the spirit of Thanksgiving she decided to have a margarita. Or 5.
Me: Oh really?
Mom: She had to stagger home before dinner even started.
Me: Good grief. When some people fall off the wagon they don’t just fall they triple summersault off.

Susan: All I want for Christmas is a baby Tyrannosaurus Rex ^.^ and a couple books xD

Me: I got so many book for Christmas that my bookshelves are completely full. If I buy even one more book, I'm going to need another bookshelf. Which is something to put on next years wish list.

Josh: This year, I'm trying out saying "Happy every day of your life." It's a bit of a mouthful, but I think at this time it's the right thing to say. More then Merry Christmas, cause this is an expression of rapturous empathy. That love, and the fact that one man could inspire it in others, truly SHOULD be celebrated... but not just once a year on some historically dubious day in December.